urtitan: (Headache)
Frieda Reiss ([personal profile] urtitan) wrote in [community profile] seasonsrpg2024-04-01 06:04 pm

Tarot: The World (Reversed)

WHO: Frieda Reiss
WHAT: Frieda is going through it (enormous struggle dump inside!)
WHEN: First half of April
WHERE: Abandoned Graveyard / Secret Getaway and other areas in the Seasonal Segments
WARNINGS: AoT-typical heavy topics - mention of genocide, murder, mental instability, violence, war, etc.


[Many things have been moving at a different pace for Frieda ever since she inherited the memories of her ancestors. This still holds true here in Ellipsa. On some days, she can live in the moment and enjoy spending time with her sister, the few friends she's made, and other people (neighbours, magic school classmates, vendors whose shops she's become a regular at), but on other days, everything she's learned about her homeworld's future since arriving here pulls her under and makes her ruminate for hours on end, lost between those new revelations and the painful history going back 2,000 years.

Lately, those days have become more and more common.]



1) Safe Zone: Mermaid Encounter

(OOC: Since a lot of Frieda's development is internal, I wanted to chronicle it, but as it's pure introspection, by all means skip ahead to the bottom of this humungous prompt if you'd like to!)

[Frieda's first month in Ellipsa was overshadowed by grief after she learned that in the not-too-far future, most of her family will be killed alongside herself. But eventually, her unbreakable inherited will helped her overcome that struggle. What of their deaths? All Eldians should die. It's only right if the royal family dies first. She accepted it, and with a calmer and clearer mind, she could finally focus on starting to unlock her magic and supporting the local ongoings, resolved to make the most of the time she had left.

However, her encounter with Eren, her unintended successor, made her question whether she wasn't too hasty to content herself with her fate.

Eren's resentment of how the truth was kept from the people of the Walls - doubtlessly shared by all of her subjects - made it clear that he doesn't want the Founding Titan to return into the royal family's hands, and Historia, Frieda's only surviving sibling, made it clear that she doesn't want to take it from her friend. In the future they experienced, the outside world failed to eradicate their people, "merely" breaking Wall Maria - which did cause thousands of deaths through its short- and mid-term consequences -, and everybody learned of the truths that the Reiss family hid for a century.

There will be no repeat of the 2 millennia of oppression by the Eldian Empire, given that Eren can't unlock the Founding Titan's full potential and the royal bloodline, should it regain possession of it, is prevented from doing so by the inherited vow, but the situation has nevertheless given Frieda many sleepless nights. In the face of the changed circumstances, her passive stance has started to shift.

I have to take the Founding Titan back from Eren. That's the first conclusion she arrives at. He told her that he'd never go home if he can help it, and she believes him - but what if he gets no say in the matter? What if he gets sent back to their homeworld against his will? It can happen. They both know that.

Much as the imperative to keep her people from becoming a threat to the world again dictates her decision, everything inside her recoils from it. She can't murder Eren! She couldn't murder anyone - not with her own hands, in any case. She knows all too well that all the blood her enforcers spilled within the Walls stains her hands nonetheless (and that of prior rulers' enforcers' victims, too, because she can't and won't exempt herself from bearing the sins of her ancestors). Eren is Historia's friend... What of it?, argues that reasonable voice inside of her, Historia is a disappointment for not acting in the best interest of humanity despite understanding our history. Who cares what she wants?

Frieda has to leave the apartment for longer and longer stretches of time, on occasion even hastily excusing herself to Historia to keep herself from angrily lashing out at her. Sometimes, she wants to grab and shake and even hit her for thinking that's it's acceptable for Eren to keep the Founding Titan. If you won't take it back for our family, I will! What are you even good for?! It takes all her strength to keep herself from attacking her own beloved sister like that, and when the urge eventually subsides, she's desolate each time.

However, after a while of agonising and trying to reason with different parts of herself, she manages to set aside the initial conclusion, for what is ultimately a very simple reason: If she took Eren's titan powers (most realistically by enlisting the services of an assassin, much as she does back home), he'd simply take them back from her once he'd be reborn into this world.

It's a given: Much as she doesn't want him to return home and resist the Eldian atonement plan, he doesn't want her to return and work towards its fulfillment either. For being ideological opponents, the two of them were reasonably cordial towards each other despite the palpable tension, but if she were to turn on him, he'd surely retaliate in kind. As it is, he holds the stronger position, having actual experience in using his titan's powers, and if he wanted to, he could already have taken hers. She mustn't disturb the current balance.

What can she do, then? Her silent internal struggle continues for days or weeks (she can't tell anymore, even though it's interspersed with uninterrupted stretches of normalcy and little joys - somehow!) until a realisation more bitter than anything prior dawns on her: There really is only one way to ensure that the Eldians of Paradis Island won't be a threat to the world anymore. If the outside world will fail to eradicate them, their ruler must do it.

He entire being refuses that solution. How could she possibly do that?! She can't even murder one person! All those innocent people..!! No! No!! But all Eldians must die. In her mind, she practically screams at the first king of the Walls. How dare you not finish what you started?! How dare you leave it to your successors? You couldn't do it because you loved your people? How do you think I feel?! But of course, there's only her own mind to answer her, and despite fighting against the resolution with all she has, she's drawn further down the path, exploring her practical options.

In that state, she can't bear the city. Even in quiet places, she may encounter people, and while they're not her subjects, she can't endure their innocent eyes on her, feeling beyond monstrous for what's going on in her head. As such, she takes to the safe zones in the Segments to find some solitude.

She avoids the cold Winter Segment - the watchtower is close to the city, and people pass by there with relative frequency. Likewise, the Temple of Life in the Summer Segment is intermittently frequented by people coming to gather fruits or tackle the video game simulator inside. The waters of Ellipsa have provided an embrace and escape for her ever since her arrival, and so, she can ultimately be encountered in mermaid form, resting at the bottom of the Secret Getaway's lake-pond or on the safe side of the iron fence separating the Autumn Segment's flooded graveyard from the monster-infested wilderness.

It's unlikely that anyone else would dive in either body of water, but who knows! If she doesn't encounter anyone in the depths, then at some point, when she finally feels like herself again, having battled the mental images of death and suffering away for the day, she has to exit the water, and perhaps it's then that she and the other person visiting the safe area startle each other through her sudden appearance on the water's surface. Whether underwater or above, she'll call out in the same way.]


Oh..! I'm sorry, you scared me!

[She says that as if she isn't the weird one for popping out of a place that's definitely not a designated swimming area!]


2) Unsafe Zone: Titan Encounter

(OOC: Feel free to choose the Segment, otherwise I'll use an RNG!)

[In the end, Frieda manages to stabilise herself to a degree by resolving to do what Eren decided: To never return home. It's painful to imagine that she'll never see her family - safe for Historia - and other dearly beloved people again, but she simply can't abide the thought of having to complete what her ancestor wasn't able to even begin. She'll rather follow her successor's example and remove the Founding Titan and its powers from their world forever. That way, at least any ever-so-remote chance of total titan domination will be gone.

Of course, the conflict between her inherited will - which had to adjust to an unforeseen change for the first time since its implementation - and her still persevering wishes as a human being remain almost impossible to reconcile. She has to make compromises with herself. Since she can't guarantee the length of her stay in Ellipsa, she needs to at least prepare for what must be done if she is sent back to her homeworld.

Unwilling to look at the horrible methods she'd need to employ in such a scenario, she instead puts her focus on something very basic that she nevertheless neglected: Her control over her titan manifestation. If she is forced to return home, it won't do if Eren's father kills her before she can do anything to prevent history from playing out as Eren and Historia experienced it.

She feels ashamed to have outright squandered a quarter of her remaining lifetime, idly waiting for her and her people's extermination... how could she have been so naive?! But she always was, wasn't she? She bitterly remembers her idealistic 15 year old self, volunteering to inherit the Founding Titan from her uncle with a smile, confident that she wouldn't give in to her ancestors' ghosts, without even knowing of the history of the world. Stupid. Ignorant. Selfish.

She closes her eyes to try and ground herself. She's on a mission and needs to focus. As a titan, it should be a lot easier to identify safe areas for new teleport- and barrier stone installations. Having tested out beforehand that she'll still be conscious of herself and her objective while in titan form, she deems it safest to transform a good distance away from the teleport stone she just used to travel here. After all, she wouldn't want to startle someone else arriving!

Little does she know that there are still reckless people venturing into the Segments on their own despite all the warnings - and not necessarily by ground, given the many airship license holders, winged mount owners, and people able to fly either naturally or by way of animal transformation! As such, should she really be surprised when someone approaches her 13 metre tall dark-haired titan? That is, if she'll even see them coming...]
ashenrose: (Sparkly Eyes)

[personal profile] ashenrose 2024-04-24 10:03 pm (UTC)(link)
[X to doubt!]

Or you could be a mermaid using the necklace to turn yourself human.

[Ha, you can't fool her that easily, Freida! Mary is looking very proud of herself for seeing this loophole- all the same, though, she's taking a curious look at the pendant.]

...I wonder what it's like underwater. I bet there's all sorts of sea creatures down there.
ashenrose: (Reading in Progress)

[personal profile] ashenrose 2024-07-07 10:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Really??

[Her eyes grew wide as Frieda told her about the other underwater creatures! It sounded like there were far more than she'd ever known about-]

There were a few sculptures of aq- aqu- of those sorts of creatures at the gallery, but I didn't think there were so many. What kinds of ones were there? Were there giant sea snails or the cute fish with lanterns on their head??

[She didn't quite manage 'aquatic', but she tried her best!

The question made her pause for thought, though- she wouldn't want to drop her canvas in the water, that's for sure!]


Hm... I've felt it rain before, and it didn't hurt me, but I've never been underwater.
ashenrose: (Sparkly Eyes)

[personal profile] ashenrose 2024-07-08 11:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[Whilst Frieda was talking about the different sort of fish, Mary was already following her first suggestion, slipping off her shoes and tights and tossing them aside so she could attempt to dip her toes in the water-

It wasn't that she wasn't listening, though, nodding along with the explanation. It would seem that, unknown to Mary, neither of them had seen creatures like this personally before Ellipsa, both relying on a combination of books, artwork or inherited memories to see what they might be like.

But here, they could really experience all of it for themselves.]


Oh...so the fish that live in the sea and the ones that live in ponds and rivers are different??

I always wanted to see the sea. But the water here is pretty too so- ahh! Cold!

[And that would be the moment she dipped her toes in and realised that water was cold, actually! Thankfully, the yelp was one of surprise rather than pain.]
ashenrose: (Those two...)

Cute icon to match cute icon

[personal profile] ashenrose 2024-07-10 09:30 pm (UTC)(link)
[She couldn't help but giggle a bit with Frieda's laugh and carefully dipped her toes back into the water. This time, she had prepared herself, and was able to brace the cold! There we go! (She definitely wasn't shivering, not at all, please believe her.)]

I can read! But I don't know many big words yet. When we were with Garry he'd read those ones for Ib and me, but I can't manage them that well by myself yet.

[Aside from that time, Mary wasn't sure how or when she learned to read, even at her young reading level. Perhaps by the time her painting was finished enough for her to have an awareness, she already existed as 'a nine year old girl', for all that entailed.]

And even then he wouldn't tell us everything. I found a book tucked away that he snatched away from us really quickly, he looked so embarrassed.

[Shocking, really, that the grown-up wouldn't let the children read a dirty book that had been left lying around in the gallery.]
ashenrose: (Reading in Progress)

Sorry Frieda you've got another tiny blonde sibling to dote on

[personal profile] ashenrose 2024-07-10 10:08 pm (UTC)(link)
[Despite how everything played out, there was still a small part of her that missed them- despite how quickly she tried to push those feelings away. They were her first friends, yes, but they had hurt her. They turned on her. Nothing would change that.

Still, in little moments like now, Mary found herself talking about them with some fondness.]


I wonder too, he wouldn't tell us anything at all.

[Pout... but the sulking was short-lived, soon brightening up at Frieda's offer. Thankfully, it seemed the topic could safely be avoided.]

Really?? I want to!
ashenrose: (Misshapen Diamond)

Aw Frieda ;;

[personal profile] ashenrose 2024-07-23 10:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, tomorrow then! At the library?

[Look at that happy face! Her cheerful mood wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

By now, a couple of little fishes had swum close to the surface to investigate Mary's toes! Not that she'd noticed, just yet.]
ashenrose: (Reading in Progress)

[personal profile] ashenrose 2024-07-25 09:56 pm (UTC)(link)
I think so, it's near to the big art gallery isn't it? I went to have a look when I first got here... I don't know why it's mostly grown-ups who go visit though.

[Why didn't other kids find it interesting??

Frieda's guess would be right on the money about her own interests, though! Still, she's soon distracted by the fish- little silver shapes flitting around right by her feet.]


Oh! Hello-
ashenrose: (Father...)

[personal profile] ashenrose 2024-08-15 09:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Maybe, but it's still strange.

[Either way, Mary was quickly distracted by the suggestion to feed the fishies, eagerly reaching out to take one of the crusts.]

Yes, let's!

[There you go cute fish! They darted up quickly to eat the bits of bread Mary and Frieda were throwing into the water, eager for the snack.

The little girl was quiet for a moment, occupied by the sight, but soon lost herself in her thoughts.]


...I want to learn how to swim someday. Would I need a necklace to do it? I'm guessing real people learn another way, too.

[She didn't suspect Frieda was anything not quite human, of course. Frieda was real, not the way she was. Would someone not quite real have to handle this differently?

Mary glanced to her feet in the water. It didn't seem to be damaging her- then again, perhaps so long as her canvas itself wasn't drenched, she'd be safe...?]
ashenrose: (Fallen Star)

Creepy pixel anglerfish in first link

[personal profile] ashenrose 2024-09-03 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I want to!

[Kicking her feet excitedly- which did unfortunately scare the fishes away for the moment- but at least she was happy!

A pause, then, before she added; ]


...Dad painted the deep ocean a few times too, I want to swim well enough to see what it looks like for real. The ocean and the creatures from those sculptures.
ashenrose: (Abstract Art)

We can probably wind this one up soon I think?

[personal profile] ashenrose 2024-09-15 05:41 pm (UTC)(link)
A mermaid necklace or transformation... hm... I didn't think it would be cold. Is it colder in the sea than the pond is??

[This was all reaching the limits of her knowledge of the outside world. At the two questions, she shook her head.]

I don't, I need to buy one- and I've never tried using my magic on myself before. It's scary.

[Swimming lessons would have to wait, yes, but she'd certainly look into how to make her underwater exploration dreams a reality. Besides, it wouldn't be long until dusk hit.]
ashenrose: (Beyond Halcyon Skies)

[personal profile] ashenrose 2024-09-15 07:30 pm (UTC)(link)
[Mary nodded slowly at the explanation. Yes, that would make sense! It would explain why her Father's paintings of the deep sea used such dark backgrounds, wouldn't it?

Still, a bright smile crossed the girl's face at the hair ruffle, and she gently flopped against Frieda's side. She'd had a busy day, and the fatigue was starting to set in. Whilst Mary had no idea at all of the turmoil in Frieda's mind, she'd enjoyed spending time with her and hoped that the feeling was mutual.]


Yeah... Oh! I was meant to go give something in at my Guild when I got the wrong crystal- oh well, I can do that tomorrow before we meet up.

[That would be how she ended up here to start with. Oops!

Whether or not Frieda'll head back the same way as her or not, she'll give her a warm hug goodbye before they part ways.]