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seasonsrpg2024-04-01 06:04 pm
urtitan) wrote in seasonsrpg2024-04-01 06:04 pm
Tarot: The World (Reversed)
WHO: Frieda Reiss
WHAT: Frieda is going through it (enormous struggle dump inside!)
WHEN: First half of April
WHERE: Abandoned Graveyard / Secret Getaway and other areas in the Seasonal Segments
WARNINGS: AoT-typical heavy topics - mention of genocide, murder, mental instability, violence, war, etc.
[Many things have been moving at a different pace for Frieda ever since she inherited the memories of her ancestors. This still holds true here in Ellipsa. On some days, she can live in the moment and enjoy spending time with her sister, the few friends she's made, and other people (neighbours, magic school classmates, vendors whose shops she's become a regular at), but on other days, everything she's learned about her homeworld's future since arriving here pulls her under and makes her ruminate for hours on end, lost between those new revelations and the painful history going back 2,000 years.
Lately, those days have become more and more common.]
1) Safe Zone: Mermaid Encounter
(OOC: Since a lot of Frieda's development is internal, I wanted to chronicle it, but as it's pure introspection, by all means skip ahead to the bottom of this humungous prompt if you'd like to!)
[Frieda's first month in Ellipsa was overshadowed by grief after she learned that in the not-too-far future, most of her family will be killed alongside herself. But eventually, her unbreakable inherited will helped her overcome that struggle. What of their deaths? All Eldians should die. It's only right if the royal family dies first. She accepted it, and with a calmer and clearer mind, she could finally focus on starting to unlock her magic and supporting the local ongoings, resolved to make the most of the time she had left.
However, her encounter with Eren, her unintended successor, made her question whether she wasn't too hasty to content herself with her fate.
Eren's resentment of how the truth was kept from the people of the Walls - doubtlessly shared by all of her subjects - made it clear that he doesn't want the Founding Titan to return into the royal family's hands, and Historia, Frieda's only surviving sibling, made it clear that she doesn't want to take it from her friend. In the future they experienced, the outside world failed to eradicate their people, "merely" breaking Wall Maria - which did cause thousands of deaths through its short- and mid-term consequences -, and everybody learned of the truths that the Reiss family hid for a century.
There will be no repeat of the 2 millennia of oppression by the Eldian Empire, given that Eren can't unlock the Founding Titan's full potential and the royal bloodline, should it regain possession of it, is prevented from doing so by the inherited vow, but the situation has nevertheless given Frieda many sleepless nights. In the face of the changed circumstances, her passive stance has started to shift.
I have to take the Founding Titan back from Eren. That's the first conclusion she arrives at. He told her that he'd never go home if he can help it, and she believes him - but what if he gets no say in the matter? What if he gets sent back to their homeworld against his will? It can happen. They both know that.
Much as the imperative to keep her people from becoming a threat to the world again dictates her decision, everything inside her recoils from it. She can't murder Eren! She couldn't murder anyone - not with her own hands, in any case. She knows all too well that all the blood her enforcers spilled within the Walls stains her hands nonetheless (and that of prior rulers' enforcers' victims, too, because she can't and won't exempt herself from bearing the sins of her ancestors). Eren is Historia's friend... What of it?, argues that reasonable voice inside of her, Historia is a disappointment for not acting in the best interest of humanity despite understanding our history. Who cares what she wants?
Frieda has to leave the apartment for longer and longer stretches of time, on occasion even hastily excusing herself to Historia to keep herself from angrily lashing out at her. Sometimes, she wants to grab and shake and even hit her for thinking that's it's acceptable for Eren to keep the Founding Titan. If you won't take it back for our family, I will! What are you even good for?! It takes all her strength to keep herself from attacking her own beloved sister like that, and when the urge eventually subsides, she's desolate each time.
However, after a while of agonising and trying to reason with different parts of herself, she manages to set aside the initial conclusion, for what is ultimately a very simple reason: If she took Eren's titan powers (most realistically by enlisting the services of an assassin, much as she does back home), he'd simply take them back from her once he'd be reborn into this world.
It's a given: Much as she doesn't want him to return home and resist the Eldian atonement plan, he doesn't want her to return and work towards its fulfillment either. For being ideological opponents, the two of them were reasonably cordial towards each other despite the palpable tension, but if she were to turn on him, he'd surely retaliate in kind. As it is, he holds the stronger position, having actual experience in using his titan's powers, and if he wanted to, he could already have taken hers. She mustn't disturb the current balance.
What can she do, then? Her silent internal struggle continues for days or weeks (she can't tell anymore, even though it's interspersed with uninterrupted stretches of normalcy and little joys - somehow!) until a realisation more bitter than anything prior dawns on her: There really is only one way to ensure that the Eldians of Paradis Island won't be a threat to the world anymore. If the outside world will fail to eradicate them, their ruler must do it.
He entire being refuses that solution. How could she possibly do that?! She can't even murder one person! All those innocent people..!! No! No!! But all Eldians must die. In her mind, she practically screams at the first king of the Walls. How dare you not finish what you started?! How dare you leave it to your successors? You couldn't do it because you loved your people? How do you think I feel?! But of course, there's only her own mind to answer her, and despite fighting against the resolution with all she has, she's drawn further down the path, exploring her practical options.
In that state, she can't bear the city. Even in quiet places, she may encounter people, and while they're not her subjects, she can't endure their innocent eyes on her, feeling beyond monstrous for what's going on in her head. As such, she takes to the safe zones in the Segments to find some solitude.
She avoids the cold Winter Segment - the watchtower is close to the city, and people pass by there with relative frequency. Likewise, the Temple of Life in the Summer Segment is intermittently frequented by people coming to gather fruits or tackle the video game simulator inside. The waters of Ellipsa have provided an embrace and escape for her ever since her arrival, and so, she can ultimately be encountered in mermaid form, resting at the bottom of the Secret Getaway's lake-pond or on the safe side of the iron fence separating the Autumn Segment's flooded graveyard from the monster-infested wilderness.
It's unlikely that anyone else would dive in either body of water, but who knows! If she doesn't encounter anyone in the depths, then at some point, when she finally feels like herself again, having battled the mental images of death and suffering away for the day, she has to exit the water, and perhaps it's then that she and the other person visiting the safe area startle each other through her sudden appearance on the water's surface. Whether underwater or above, she'll call out in the same way.]
Oh..! I'm sorry, you scared me!
[She says that as if she isn't the weird one for popping out of a place that's definitely not a designated swimming area!]
2) Unsafe Zone: Titan Encounter
(OOC: Feel free to choose the Segment, otherwise I'll use an RNG!)
[In the end, Frieda manages to stabilise herself to a degree by resolving to do what Eren decided: To never return home. It's painful to imagine that she'll never see her family - safe for Historia - and other dearly beloved people again, but she simply can't abide the thought of having to complete what her ancestor wasn't able to even begin. She'll rather follow her successor's example and remove the Founding Titan and its powers from their world forever. That way, at least any ever-so-remote chance of total titan domination will be gone.
Of course, the conflict between her inherited will - which had to adjust to an unforeseen change for the first time since its implementation - and her still persevering wishes as a human being remain almost impossible to reconcile. She has to make compromises with herself. Since she can't guarantee the length of her stay in Ellipsa, she needs to at least prepare for what must be done if she is sent back to her homeworld.
Unwilling to look at the horrible methods she'd need to employ in such a scenario, she instead puts her focus on something very basic that she nevertheless neglected: Her control over her titan manifestation. If she is forced to return home, it won't do if Eren's father kills her before she can do anything to prevent history from playing out as Eren and Historia experienced it.
She feels ashamed to have outright squandered a quarter of her remaining lifetime, idly waiting for her and her people's extermination... how could she have been so naive?! But she always was, wasn't she? She bitterly remembers her idealistic 15 year old self, volunteering to inherit the Founding Titan from her uncle with a smile, confident that she wouldn't give in to her ancestors' ghosts, without even knowing of the history of the world. Stupid. Ignorant. Selfish.
She closes her eyes to try and ground herself. She's on a mission and needs to focus. As a titan, it should be a lot easier to identify safe areas for new teleport- and barrier stone installations. Having tested out beforehand that she'll still be conscious of herself and her objective while in titan form, she deems it safest to transform a good distance away from the teleport stone she just used to travel here. After all, she wouldn't want to startle someone else arriving!
Little does she know that there are still reckless people venturing into the Segments on their own despite all the warnings - and not necessarily by ground, given the many airship license holders, winged mount owners, and people able to fly either naturally or by way of animal transformation! As such, should she really be surprised when someone approaches her 13 metre tall dark-haired titan? That is, if she'll even see them coming...]
WHAT: Frieda is going through it (enormous struggle dump inside!)
WHEN: First half of April
WHERE: Abandoned Graveyard / Secret Getaway and other areas in the Seasonal Segments
WARNINGS: AoT-typical heavy topics - mention of genocide, murder, mental instability, violence, war, etc.
[Many things have been moving at a different pace for Frieda ever since she inherited the memories of her ancestors. This still holds true here in Ellipsa. On some days, she can live in the moment and enjoy spending time with her sister, the few friends she's made, and other people (neighbours, magic school classmates, vendors whose shops she's become a regular at), but on other days, everything she's learned about her homeworld's future since arriving here pulls her under and makes her ruminate for hours on end, lost between those new revelations and the painful history going back 2,000 years.
Lately, those days have become more and more common.]
1) Safe Zone: Mermaid Encounter
(OOC: Since a lot of Frieda's development is internal, I wanted to chronicle it, but as it's pure introspection, by all means skip ahead to the bottom of this humungous prompt if you'd like to!)
[Frieda's first month in Ellipsa was overshadowed by grief after she learned that in the not-too-far future, most of her family will be killed alongside herself. But eventually, her unbreakable inherited will helped her overcome that struggle. What of their deaths? All Eldians should die. It's only right if the royal family dies first. She accepted it, and with a calmer and clearer mind, she could finally focus on starting to unlock her magic and supporting the local ongoings, resolved to make the most of the time she had left.
However, her encounter with Eren, her unintended successor, made her question whether she wasn't too hasty to content herself with her fate.
Eren's resentment of how the truth was kept from the people of the Walls - doubtlessly shared by all of her subjects - made it clear that he doesn't want the Founding Titan to return into the royal family's hands, and Historia, Frieda's only surviving sibling, made it clear that she doesn't want to take it from her friend. In the future they experienced, the outside world failed to eradicate their people, "merely" breaking Wall Maria - which did cause thousands of deaths through its short- and mid-term consequences -, and everybody learned of the truths that the Reiss family hid for a century.
There will be no repeat of the 2 millennia of oppression by the Eldian Empire, given that Eren can't unlock the Founding Titan's full potential and the royal bloodline, should it regain possession of it, is prevented from doing so by the inherited vow, but the situation has nevertheless given Frieda many sleepless nights. In the face of the changed circumstances, her passive stance has started to shift.
I have to take the Founding Titan back from Eren. That's the first conclusion she arrives at. He told her that he'd never go home if he can help it, and she believes him - but what if he gets no say in the matter? What if he gets sent back to their homeworld against his will? It can happen. They both know that.
Much as the imperative to keep her people from becoming a threat to the world again dictates her decision, everything inside her recoils from it. She can't murder Eren! She couldn't murder anyone - not with her own hands, in any case. She knows all too well that all the blood her enforcers spilled within the Walls stains her hands nonetheless (and that of prior rulers' enforcers' victims, too, because she can't and won't exempt herself from bearing the sins of her ancestors). Eren is Historia's friend... What of it?, argues that reasonable voice inside of her, Historia is a disappointment for not acting in the best interest of humanity despite understanding our history. Who cares what she wants?
Frieda has to leave the apartment for longer and longer stretches of time, on occasion even hastily excusing herself to Historia to keep herself from angrily lashing out at her. Sometimes, she wants to grab and shake and even hit her for thinking that's it's acceptable for Eren to keep the Founding Titan. If you won't take it back for our family, I will! What are you even good for?! It takes all her strength to keep herself from attacking her own beloved sister like that, and when the urge eventually subsides, she's desolate each time.
However, after a while of agonising and trying to reason with different parts of herself, she manages to set aside the initial conclusion, for what is ultimately a very simple reason: If she took Eren's titan powers (most realistically by enlisting the services of an assassin, much as she does back home), he'd simply take them back from her once he'd be reborn into this world.
It's a given: Much as she doesn't want him to return home and resist the Eldian atonement plan, he doesn't want her to return and work towards its fulfillment either. For being ideological opponents, the two of them were reasonably cordial towards each other despite the palpable tension, but if she were to turn on him, he'd surely retaliate in kind. As it is, he holds the stronger position, having actual experience in using his titan's powers, and if he wanted to, he could already have taken hers. She mustn't disturb the current balance.
What can she do, then? Her silent internal struggle continues for days or weeks (she can't tell anymore, even though it's interspersed with uninterrupted stretches of normalcy and little joys - somehow!) until a realisation more bitter than anything prior dawns on her: There really is only one way to ensure that the Eldians of Paradis Island won't be a threat to the world anymore. If the outside world will fail to eradicate them, their ruler must do it.
He entire being refuses that solution. How could she possibly do that?! She can't even murder one person! All those innocent people..!! No! No!! But all Eldians must die. In her mind, she practically screams at the first king of the Walls. How dare you not finish what you started?! How dare you leave it to your successors? You couldn't do it because you loved your people? How do you think I feel?! But of course, there's only her own mind to answer her, and despite fighting against the resolution with all she has, she's drawn further down the path, exploring her practical options.
In that state, she can't bear the city. Even in quiet places, she may encounter people, and while they're not her subjects, she can't endure their innocent eyes on her, feeling beyond monstrous for what's going on in her head. As such, she takes to the safe zones in the Segments to find some solitude.
She avoids the cold Winter Segment - the watchtower is close to the city, and people pass by there with relative frequency. Likewise, the Temple of Life in the Summer Segment is intermittently frequented by people coming to gather fruits or tackle the video game simulator inside. The waters of Ellipsa have provided an embrace and escape for her ever since her arrival, and so, she can ultimately be encountered in mermaid form, resting at the bottom of the Secret Getaway's lake-pond or on the safe side of the iron fence separating the Autumn Segment's flooded graveyard from the monster-infested wilderness.
It's unlikely that anyone else would dive in either body of water, but who knows! If she doesn't encounter anyone in the depths, then at some point, when she finally feels like herself again, having battled the mental images of death and suffering away for the day, she has to exit the water, and perhaps it's then that she and the other person visiting the safe area startle each other through her sudden appearance on the water's surface. Whether underwater or above, she'll call out in the same way.]
Oh..! I'm sorry, you scared me!
[She says that as if she isn't the weird one for popping out of a place that's definitely not a designated swimming area!]
2) Unsafe Zone: Titan Encounter
(OOC: Feel free to choose the Segment, otherwise I'll use an RNG!)
[In the end, Frieda manages to stabilise herself to a degree by resolving to do what Eren decided: To never return home. It's painful to imagine that she'll never see her family - safe for Historia - and other dearly beloved people again, but she simply can't abide the thought of having to complete what her ancestor wasn't able to even begin. She'll rather follow her successor's example and remove the Founding Titan and its powers from their world forever. That way, at least any ever-so-remote chance of total titan domination will be gone.
Of course, the conflict between her inherited will - which had to adjust to an unforeseen change for the first time since its implementation - and her still persevering wishes as a human being remain almost impossible to reconcile. She has to make compromises with herself. Since she can't guarantee the length of her stay in Ellipsa, she needs to at least prepare for what must be done if she is sent back to her homeworld.
Unwilling to look at the horrible methods she'd need to employ in such a scenario, she instead puts her focus on something very basic that she nevertheless neglected: Her control over her titan manifestation. If she is forced to return home, it won't do if Eren's father kills her before she can do anything to prevent history from playing out as Eren and Historia experienced it.
She feels ashamed to have outright squandered a quarter of her remaining lifetime, idly waiting for her and her people's extermination... how could she have been so naive?! But she always was, wasn't she? She bitterly remembers her idealistic 15 year old self, volunteering to inherit the Founding Titan from her uncle with a smile, confident that she wouldn't give in to her ancestors' ghosts, without even knowing of the history of the world. Stupid. Ignorant. Selfish.
She closes her eyes to try and ground herself. She's on a mission and needs to focus. As a titan, it should be a lot easier to identify safe areas for new teleport- and barrier stone installations. Having tested out beforehand that she'll still be conscious of herself and her objective while in titan form, she deems it safest to transform a good distance away from the teleport stone she just used to travel here. After all, she wouldn't want to startle someone else arriving!
Little does she know that there are still reckless people venturing into the Segments on their own despite all the warnings - and not necessarily by ground, given the many airship license holders, winged mount owners, and people able to fly either naturally or by way of animal transformation! As such, should she really be surprised when someone approaches her 13 metre tall dark-haired titan? That is, if she'll even see them coming...]
no subject
[That's the first possibility she thinks of, and if that's the real reason, it's terribly relatable to her. She lets her eyes wander over the tall grass and the many flowers all around them.]
This isn't a dream, but I'll be sad when our time here is up and we have to go back home, too. My world isn't as nice as this one, and I'll miss everybody I met here.
[Even now, she feels torn. Initially, even learning of her family's impending deaths couldn't make a dent in her resolve to return and do her duty, but now that she knows how much worse everything will derail afterwards, staying away seems safer for everyone.]
no subject
[His brow furrows. His feelings towards the people of the Nameless Town were highly complicated, to say the least. Again, he falls silent for a spell.]
……Do we have to go back eventually?
no subject
[It's her first time at the multiverse rodeo, so she's not sure what to believe. In addition, she isn't even convinced that Ellipsa can still be saved in a meaningful way - in the simulation, the land enveloped in Darkness was revealed to consist of nothing but black sand anymore. The again, people have been saying that it was merely a limitation of the virtual reality.]
If you had freedom of choice, what would you prefer to do?
no subject
I dont know. I don’t… have anywhere to return to anymore. … But someone like me doesn’t deserve this second chance, either.
[Guilt guilt guilt…]
no subject
...
I won't press you for what you've done - I'm a sinner myself. Do you think there's value in atoning for what we've done by trying to help this world?
[She's asking sincerely, not knowing what the correct answer is. Right now, though, she feels pessimistic. Even if she contributes to aiding the local people, it won't make up for the endless string of terrible deeds her ancestors committed back home. As per her inherited will, the only acceptable atonement is for the Eldians to disappear - and it's hardly acceptable if only she as their ruler slips away into a nice foreign world!]
1/2
no subject
……No matter what I do, it won’t bring them back.
[His voice is quieter, worn out. He looks away from her, staring straight ahead.]
…Doctor said I should help the people here, though. ……That they’d be grateful for assistance, even from trash like me. So…
[So that’s where he’s at right now. He didn’t have an answer to the atonement question either, but he at least had a bit of direction.]
no subject
[2,000 years are such an unimaginably long time. How many people were made to suffer under her predecessors' reign? She wants to cheer Russell up, tell him to not put himself down... but it'd be hypocritical, really. Even though she's an adult, she doesn't have any guidance for him.]
Sometimes, I wish I could just disappear. But this world won't allow us to do that. If we otherworlders die, we're reborn here. Did you know that?
CW I…Implied suicidal ideation? I guess? idk man
A desire to disappear. To escape. He understood well the weight of Frieda’s words.]
……Do you know that because someone told you or from your own experience?
[Oh my god Russell you can’t just ask someone if they’ve died and you definitely can’t just ask someone if they’ve tried to kill themselves?! And yet here he is, doing just that, expression indifferent as ever.]
Let's sticky that CW with these two!
Someone told me. I've seen the big flowers in the Flower Yard, too. We can only leave this world if we arbitrarily get sent back home. But no one is forced to help work against the Darkness. Is there anything else you'd like to do?
Good call :|b
[Doing side quests was a favorite pastime of his in the dream. He truly was a kind, helpful boy, even if he was loathe to admit it.]
no subject
Most animals here are the same as in my world, but some are completely different. Let's see if some fish come up if we feed them, shall we?
[Another small wooden pier isn't far ahead, and she leads the way to its end, where she neatly sits down and takes a small lunch box out of her bag.]
If you're hungry, please have a sandwich! We can feed some crumbs to the fish. Otherwise, you can give it to them completely.
[From diving in the pond, she knows that only regular freshwater fish live in it, but even those may be nice to observe for Russell!]
no subject
[Russell follows quietly beside Frieda, eyes drifting to the water as they walk out onto the pier. When she sits, he stands awkwardly for a moment before realizing he should probably join her.]
……Are you sure?
[He was hungry but taking someone else’s lunch seemed impolite, even if they were readily offering it.]
no subject
[That way, he won't have to feel bad! She lets him choose between meat and cheese (though both come with lettuce and sauce), then takes the remaining one and breaks off the crust to crumble into the water. It's probably not good for the fish, but as long as they don't do this all the time, it should be alright!
Before long, several carp come up to eat - mundane, mud-grey ones, but she finds them endearing nevertheless with their rounded bodies and dully shimmering scales. She's grown terribly partial towards fish, hasn't she? For a little while, she'll simply let Russell enjoy the small spectacle - unless there's something else he wants to talk about.]
Not me literally forgetting this thread until months later like ‼️
……They’re pretty normal.
[He doesn’t sound disappointed, though.]
No worries, the plot didn't hinge on their fish watching! ♡
[Such as the void- and octocats people have been adopting.]
...
The doctor you mentioned, is that someone you know from home who arrived here before you? Do you live together?
[It wouldn't even bewilder her, after all she was mysteriously assigned the apartment her sister had already been living in for the better part of a year! She just wants to make sure Russell isn't on his own.]
no subject
[He tosses in another scrap of bread, giving a small nod.]
Mm. Doctor is from my world. From the experiment. We don’t live together here, though.
no subject
[Russell was vague in talking about it earlier, but it sounds like he and the doctor were able to meet in their dreams! Didn't some people mention something smiliar happening here in Ellipsa? Given that the boy had to fight monsters in the dream world, but also befriended some, she can only wonder what the purpose behind it was.]
Can I ask what it was about?
no subject
[He hesitates, unsure how much he should reveal. This woman seemed very kind and understanding, though - a rarity, in his eyes. She could possibly be trusted.]
I was the one who took part. Doctor was… part of my dream. He was… based on someone I knew in real life, though.
[…Well, no sense backing down now. He inhales deeply, letting it out slowly, eyes locked on the fish.]
… … … The experiment was to teach me guilt.
no subject
You didn't know what guilt was before? You said that the experiment was a success, so now you do, right?
[Her expression is serious - the matter just hits so close to home -, but her voice remains friendly, if a bit concerned. If he didn't feel guilt before, but does now... then, depending on what he did during the former time period, he must be suffering right now.]
no subject
[His voice is soft and highly measured. He tears the rest of the crust off the sandwich and crumples it in his hand, scattering it out into the water.]
no subject
...
It's hard to live with, but we have to take responsibility for what we've done. We have to do what we can to make up for it, and if there's nothing to be done, we have to accept the judgement and the punishment.
[That's her ancestor's conviction, and now hers. Hopefully, it sounds less heavy to Russell than it feels to her - after all, how bad can the deeds of a young boy like him be, compared to 2000 years of cruelty?]
CW suicide mention
… Is that why I’m here now? Is this more punishment?
no subject
It's not. This world genuinely called for help, and they're happy to get it from anyone who arrives.
[Even sinners like them.]
It's hard to face another world's problems when you've got enough things to contend with, but... maybe, it can be an opportunity.
[Already, she learned so much about her world's future, and it shifted her perspective completely, but the change brought entirely new problems and a different type of intrusive thoughts for her. Is it better, or worse? She honestly can't tell. That's without going into all the different points of view she's been exposed to by people from other worlds. If nothing else, her stay here certainly expanded her horizons.]